Donkey Licking, No Fred and How to Annoy a Sexist Wanker.


It’s a well known fact, known amongst anyone who asks me anyway, that Mr Trish and I met over the internet many many years ago. The internet of nearly 19 years ago was a very different creature. It was a world inhabited by nerds and a few business professionals. I discovered the internet via a dial-up connection and the good old CompuServe service provider. CompuServe had chatrooms similar to CB Radio stations and catered for the lonely, the nerdy, the techy and the downright weird in society. I think I fell into at least 3 of those categories at the time.

Over the years I have seen chat rooms change and they remain a place I dip in and out of. They’re great for material and character development in some of my other writing (which will NOT see the light of day).

Naturally anywhere which has the secret veil of anonymity afforded to its users will attract some of the less savoury characters in the world. Yes I appreciate that the internet is an international beast and the social norms we have come to expect in the UK do not extend globally, so I know that how people relate to each other differs greatly from country to country. However, out and out rudeness, sexism, male entitlement (it exists, deal with that fact) have no boundaries. Now I could get all soap box about it and spout on endlessly about the harm pornography plays in twisting young minds and reinforcing this sense of entitlement men have to use and abuse women’s bodies to their own ends but I won’t. Do some research if you’re that interested or better still educate young women to have greater self worth and educate young boys to become better men; you know things like its ok to appreciate the aesthetic in a person but there’s a big difference between loving the look of a person and feeling you’re entitled to street call, grope or slip something in their drink and rape them! I know women abuse and I know there is male on male abuse too, but I am a woman and this is my perspective as a woman. Lecture over.

As mentioned in a previous post here I’ve had all sorts of propositions from various ‘gentleman’ callers on chat sites; the nervous trembling tentative advances of men just wanting someone to talk to and into that category there’s the stereotype of middle aged married man whose wife doesn’t understand him anymore, awwwww bless (that was sarcastic by the way, why the fuck would anyone want to understand someone who’s so disengaged from the relationship that they’re spending every spare moment wanking at a computer screen, anyway enough of that). Then I’ve had the out and out weird; men who’ve wanted me to send them my used underwear, men who’ve pretended to be women because in their twisted porn-addled brains ALL women are secret lesbians and I’m more likely to get my rocks off with a woman than a man (no I don’t know what goes through their brains either).

Now I know you’re thinking, ‘”why the hell do you go to these places if its so damn weird?”. Well I have met some wonderful people over the last 2 decades. People from countries that I would never normally meet. I have made connections in Iran, Iraq, India,The USA, Canada, Australia, even Syria before it got well and truly fucked up.  I’ve discovered music and literature through these connections as well as enjoying political debate with people with a different world view than my own. I have travelled from the smug safety of my sofa and I am truly grateful for that opportunity.

I have mastered the minefield of acronyms too; LOL, ASL, ROFL, FFS, TMI, AFK, BBL. This list seems endless and it grows daily. I would like to have a few new ones added to the list such as PIABWTSDS (Please Insert A Banana Where The Sun Don’t Shine), DYWKYWAS (Does Your Wife Know You Wank At Strangers) and MLITSFYSP (My Life Is Too Short For Your Self Pity) and a personal favourite FOCW (Fuck Off Cock Womble) I don’t think they’ll catch on.

As internet access has become more affordable it seems every knob-head and wankstain now has access and this has led to more inventive ways of me telling people to fuck off. Some days I play with them, some days I ignore. Today I felt like playing. I use a program called ‘Paltalk’ occasionally, it’s a slightly less abusive forum than other places. This morning a rather boring person contacted me. This is the transcript of our brief chat. I am ‘Trish44UK’. I know it’s not very original but I get an uncomfortable feeling about chatters who use names such as ‘SpiritualFairyFeet’ or ‘HugeCock4U’

========== Sep 11 09:45 AM ==========

marcus100_7: ur ass has elegant shapes ?

Trish44UK: no

marcus100_7: is bigger ur ass

Trish44UK: I dont have a donkey

marcus100_7: a donkey ?

Trish44UK: an ass is a donkey

marcus100_7: oh ok

marcus100_7: but ur ass is good to be liked and sucked

Trish44UK: you suck donkeys?

Trish44UK: you’re weird

marcus100_7: i love lik asswoman

marcus100_7: not donkey

Trish44UK: you lick female donkeys

Trish44UK: you’re sick

Trish44UK: you need therapy

marcus100_7: really

marcus100_7: but if i lik woman pussy i am normal

Trish44UK: you lick cats as well?

Trish44UK: you really ARE sick, you’ll get fur balls.

marcus100_7: ok

marcus100_7: u r a woman ?

Trish44UK: why do you need to know that?

marcus100_7: u say im sick if i want lik asswoman

Trish44UK: you lick female donkeys

Trish44UK: yes that is sick

marcus100_7: not im good and i love lik asshole woman

Trish44UK: you lick places where shit comes out?

Trish44UK: wow, you really are sick in the head.

Trish44UK: you’ll catch a disease

marcus100_7: i have no desease and i have liked many asswoman

Trish44UK: you lick shitholes and donkeys

Trish44UK: you are one of the most sick and mentally ill people that I have ever met

Trish44UK: you need a psychiatrist

marcus100_7: and u dont know what you lost

marcus100_7: ok

marcus100_7: be happy and all the best

Trish44UK: You do know that you’re a very damaged person, donkey and cat licking is probably illegal.

marcus100_7: ok

marcus100_7: bye

marcus100_7: all the best

Seems I scared him off. I did not conform to his script.

Time for some fresh air I think.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.